Of two Girlfriends and other things

Funny how I ended up in this situation. Well I brought it on myself so I can't really blame anyone else for it. I just try and please them both, even though P from the Philippines is really being abused by time and distance. I try to reconcile with her. Even though she makes things difficult for me. I guess I am still fond of the memories I had with her initially in the Philippines. When I brought her home, there were too many bad things. I am not sure if I could forget or even get over that. Don't know why I keep on trying. I guess it is because she just doesn't give up and wants to be in this relationship. I don't seem to have the courage yet to break it off with her.

As for C in Canada....hahahaha well look at how the initials work out for the countries! Anyway, that is minor. C is a very nice girl, not all much of a looker, but very very warm and accommodating in her ways. Not much annoys me about her, but just that she can be very naive in a way, and also unaware of certain things. Maybe she is just a product of the developed world. Or maybe I am just someone who envies that and just seeks to oppose her for opposing sake. She and I have cultural differences. She actually follows one, and I don't seem to have any real culture. I am just rogue ghost, or maybe a Mimic Man.

So P and C are both in the picture, and neither seem to be letting up. I on the other hand have my reservations about them both. Albeit for different reasons. For P, I just feel that I have had enough of her short-comings and random insensitivity. For C, well it's mainly how she looks, and how she is just so plain and does not seem to take into account little things of personal hygiene and appearance. But I guess if I didn't place too much attention on looks in general things would work out just fine. If only it were that easy.

The good thing is that they are their respective countries, and I am in mine. Far away from them both. One may visit, but it shall mainly be me who visits them. One may say this is player material, but I don't see it as that. Yes I may also being having a sex friend in Africa too, but it's not like I must do these things. I look for it on a smaller scale. Maybe I am also just a player on a smaller scale. Too depends on who you ask. I prefer to use the term: "Ladies Man". Though I am sure I am a far cry from a true one.

I was talking to a good buddy of mine today. He said that he only goes to places that he feels the urge to visit. And it dawned on me. I was looking for places to go just for the sake of going there. There was no real urge to go. So I might just stay home and do some light travelling on my time off. The urge will come again I am sure. I really should not force the point.

These days I have been feeling a little bit on the blank side. I have these wonderful visions of me playing an instrument, learning a language, actually working out, and all sorts of other "grand" things. But all I do is surf the net, look at erotica and porn, and drink beer in the evenings. I am getting woefully unfit and sedentary. That has to change soon because my health will start to go into serious decline. And I have all the resources at my fingertips and right under my nose is where they lay.

I am suffering from apathy and laziness, but mainly the latter. If only I could just take that first step. And just forget about all the normal predictions that my mind makes, things could just get rolling. It is so just completely up to me. It seems I need someone to force me, or I just do nothing. This is a dangerous and boring path to take. I need to do something soon to change things, or else something or someone just may do it for me...