Ever feel at times that you don't deserve to be happy? That you are being punished for some reason or the other? That the emptiness and darkness surrounds you? If no, well I glad that you are not feeling that way, and please keep it up. As for me, I need to continue struggling.
Whatever mental illness I have is really interfering with my happiness. What the hell is happiness anyway. Something I don't feel much at all these days. It's like someone just sucked it all out of me. Like those creatures in the Harry Potter series, what you call them...the Dementors.
I personally find that whenever I look at Facebook, I see everyone with their happy postings and this and that as well as their photos, and I just feel so sad. I feel jealous as well, because to me they are all happy people having a good time. It could be the furthest thing from the truth, but I cannot help the feelings of sadness and loss, that I have missed out. I cannot even update my profile properly, because I have two girlfriends who are both on Facebook and I can't even change the display picture! That's my fault though.
But I hate this numb and emotionless feeling I get though. I can't see anything clearly. I need to go see my Shrink again. Take some more damned medication again. But if it makes me feel better then so be it. Sure beats the hell out of feeling this way.
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