On Mental Health

Mental health is a subject that in the recent past I have had a great interest in. Mainly because I have reason to believe that it has been this very issue that has affected much of my thinking and actions most of my life.

I have been to counselling with a child psychologist when I was a young boy. I was part of a "play group" and also part of adolescent group therapy. I remember how much I enjoyed that time as well when I was 16. There were two girls there that I liked. However I am naturally shy at times when it comes to girls, especially if I think they're "hard to get". Anyway, let me leave the topic of girls for another post. I have had the experience of almost freaking out and going on anti-depressant medication (Mainly the SSRI class). I know what it is like to feel that medicated "high". It's not bad really, but I always wonder, why am I like this? I have asked that question to my psychiatrists a few times, and both of them feel it is a genetic link.

A genetic link from where? I had asked that question to myself and also to my parents. I thought it may have come from my mother's father, since I was told that he was a grumpy and miserable man, but then again if I had to go through traffic every day and look after 12 kids, some not being my own, I'd be pretty miserable too.

Then came my father's mother. Apparently she never appeared happy to anyone else. Her husband (My Grandfather who I never knew) died pretty young, so I think that must have triggered something. Also back in those days, mental health was not that much of a priority. So I believe this is an inherited condition from her. I could be wrong, but who knows.

I came off of medication again last year. Diagnosed with clinical depression and also possibly a mild case of borderline personality disorder, I have been dealing with these negative and almost self-destructive feelings for years. There are times where I feel down for no reason, also there are times that I feel that nothing I do will make things better. I feel guilty if I have too much of a good time, and feel that I do not deserve happiness because of all the "wrong" I have done.

In the end I know that something can always be done. I am not afraid to admit that I have a condition. I will not allow stigma to get to me, and if I am chosen to be shunned, then so be it. At least I am being true to myself. I will still see a doctor, and after this tour, I am going back to check on my mental health. And this is my advice to anyone reading this: If you feel that you are suffering from any kind of illness of the mind, or if you have any concerns about bad feelings that have been plaguing you, seek help. See a psychiatrist preferably or even a psychologist. They can help you, and most importantly, take your medication fully! Even if you feel better. I have made this mistake too. And I think I may have to go back on those pills.

Mental illness can rob you of happiness and over all enjoyment of life, so one must not take it lightly. Take it from me, I have been through it and still going through it. But I never let it get the best of me. I am not in an asylum somewhere walking around in a padded room. I am not thinking of suicide (right now) as an option. I am still by all accounts seem to be excelling and moving up in my career. As for my love life....well that is a completely different story. I will touch on that later :)