Everyone has a past right? Even if it is relatively short. I myself have got a fairly colourful one. I guess one could hope that by colourful I'd mean all nice colours right? Unfortunately that isn't always the case. Quite a few Black and Grey moments too. Even some moments I sometimes think I could have done without, but I tend to believe that somehow all these experiences you have really does in the end help make who you are.
I have a passion, or more like an obsession with a female friend of the past. Now the thing about me is that I am quite a primal man when it comes to females. If you are an acceptable female, not part of the immediate family, and I feel that primal urge to mate with you, then chances are that is what I shall think about and even try to make it happen....peacefully and mutually of course. Well back to this friend. I met her 10 years ago, and always had a huge deep liking for her. She couldn't measure up to my other girlfriend at the time, and I was quite jealous that she was dating my other friends at the time.
Oh what I would have given (And probably still give) to just have that experience her on an intimate level. Even if I could have just had sex with her, that would have been enough. But as the old saying goes: The forbidden fruit is always the sweetest. She may have been the main one, but there were others too, and I'd still would have liked to at least have some kind of sex with them. I still talk to her when I can, but sometimes she doesn't respond nicely. At times it seems that she takes no interest in me, which is true. I tried telling her how I felt once, and got rejected. So chances are nothing will ever happen. But I cannot shake her, I cannot get her out of my mind, and therefore I continue to torture myself by keeping in contact with her.
She, by as far as I know, nor anyone else has any idea of how much I want this young lady. But I guess all I can do for now is want, and keep hope alive with momentary contact with her every now and again, until she gets married to someone else. Then maybe I can have some closure.
She is far away now. Working hard in a foreign land, just as I am doing. One day I want to go visit her, but the time never feels "right". She is in a land which I very much want to go visit, but going there and not getting even one sexual episode of her or any other local seems that it may just be a waste. Yes I am very much a sexual being folks.
Some might say that this "passion" is obsession, and that I just want what I cannot get. They may be right, but the fact remains that it is I who feel these feelings. Deep down inside, despite having two girlfriends in 2 different regions of the world I think I might give them both up just to be with her. I guess I myself do not know the difference between obsession or genuine love. And I am in my late 20's. I hope that one day I can shake this feeling to someone who doesn't have that same reciprocation to me.
I've been with a good bit of girls. Girlfriends, sex-buddies, almost-girlfriends, even almost-fiances...but a part of me feels as if I'd give that whole past up just to see what it would be like to have her with me now as a partner in a relationship. A guy could dream right? You hear a whole lot about people trying to keep their flames alive, but what about the few of us want that flame to die? I guess only time will tell.
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